I have been off this blog simply because I have been coming to terms with my present status. Though a break up has happened years ago, I admit, it's really been difficult for me to move on. I could have and had started rebuilding my life as a single woman with kids, but then because I have to face a life-changing situation (remember Haiyan or Yolanda), then I was forced to again face life here in the place that I have decided to leave years ago.
Facing life head on, in the same places where you've had your heart broken and life torn apart was a decision I made mainly because I chose to take the easier road and what I thought was the more practical one. I chose to stay here, than to go back to Tacloban because the opportunity to earn more was here. I did not foresee the consequences it would have on my life and my children.
I didn't know that my ex, the father of my kids would soon be in a relationship (I knew this would happen, but I didn't anticipate it to be sooner), and have a child, at this stage. Maybe he has a different way of coping. Some people can move on from one relationship to another as quick and as often as they change clothes. When I asked him why he had to marry (they didn't get married yet but was scheduled before until something happened) and have a new baby that quick, he said because he was growing old. Beep..wrong answer! What is it with men that they can't just admit the simple reason for getting married..love. I lost count of how many male friends and even a brother who gave me the same answers when I asked them that question. Will it lose their masculinity if they admit that love was the reason for them marrying?
Anyway, whatever his reasons was, i don't really care. I just don't want my kids to be a part of their lives. And so, this is where the complication comes in. He continues to come visit the kids, even though I asked him to stop doing it because it will complicate things. I am not ready to be in that kind of situation where I could just be cool about everything. I did not sign up for anything like that. I do not want my kids to know they have another brother, at this time in their lives. Maybe when they get older.
I hate the looks my neighbors give me (the male ones) when they see my ex's car parked outside. It makes me feel like I am a mistress or the other woman. Well, if you'd see it that way, we really are the other family, since his present one becomes the "legal one", because that's where he goes home to. I have a feeling that their smiles are meaningful every time I go out . They all give me that kind of stare and smile and I get the urge to walk right up to them and say, "hey, I was the original." But that would be a waste of time and energy. They can think all they want think. I think I have a bad case of paranoia.
For weeks, I was tempted to do something crazy,like getting him back. You may think I am really crazy, after all that he did to me. But when I see the look on the faces of my children when they are together, I wish I could freeze the moment so they can have both of us together, forever. See, I don't want to put false hopes in them, and also in mine, because it's never gonna happen anymore. And that is why, as much as possible, I don't want to have anything to do with him during these times.
One time after dropping us home from the hospital when my son was finally discharged, he stayed behind and went into the room where me and the kids were, and he laid down beside the kids. Being in the same room, all of us, together, gave me a feeling I can't explain that I thought about it for days.
And then I remembered his "wife". I thought what she would think if she knew he was with us in the same room together. Will she still be as understanding as he claimed her to be? On that same moment, I remembered his little baby. What would that little boy think when he knew that he has another brother and sister. Honestly, I should not care. Don't have to care. But then, I am not him.
I value how other people think because I do not want that done to me. Because I do not want to go back to what I once was and what I once did. And so as I continue my life's journey, I am taking on a new beginning (again!) as The Single Mom. I would focus more on my children, raise them with lesser or no help from their dad (because in fact, i have been doing it for a couple of years already)and face the future. I admit, I don't have much to give now but my love, my willpower and dreams for their future.
So with this, I have started another blog/website, which will be focused more on the single mom's life, problems, challenges and hopefully I would be able to share tips and get suggestions from other single moms like me. (Please allow me, maybe this is my way of coping and moving on.)
I invite you to please visit The Single Mom at www.thesinglemom.co I hope you'll support that blog as well.I am still keeping this blog though.
Still keeping the faith,
Mei
Facing life head on, in the same places where you've had your heart broken and life torn apart was a decision I made mainly because I chose to take the easier road and what I thought was the more practical one. I chose to stay here, than to go back to Tacloban because the opportunity to earn more was here. I did not foresee the consequences it would have on my life and my children.
I didn't know that my ex, the father of my kids would soon be in a relationship (I knew this would happen, but I didn't anticipate it to be sooner), and have a child, at this stage. Maybe he has a different way of coping. Some people can move on from one relationship to another as quick and as often as they change clothes. When I asked him why he had to marry (they didn't get married yet but was scheduled before until something happened) and have a new baby that quick, he said because he was growing old. Beep..wrong answer! What is it with men that they can't just admit the simple reason for getting married..love. I lost count of how many male friends and even a brother who gave me the same answers when I asked them that question. Will it lose their masculinity if they admit that love was the reason for them marrying?
Anyway, whatever his reasons was, i don't really care. I just don't want my kids to be a part of their lives. And so, this is where the complication comes in. He continues to come visit the kids, even though I asked him to stop doing it because it will complicate things. I am not ready to be in that kind of situation where I could just be cool about everything. I did not sign up for anything like that. I do not want my kids to know they have another brother, at this time in their lives. Maybe when they get older.
I hate the looks my neighbors give me (the male ones) when they see my ex's car parked outside. It makes me feel like I am a mistress or the other woman. Well, if you'd see it that way, we really are the other family, since his present one becomes the "legal one", because that's where he goes home to. I have a feeling that their smiles are meaningful every time I go out . They all give me that kind of stare and smile and I get the urge to walk right up to them and say, "hey, I was the original." But that would be a waste of time and energy. They can think all they want think. I think I have a bad case of paranoia.
 |
| Do I look like someone who would want to be "the other woman"? NO WAY!! Who said that a woman needs a man to make her feel whole and happy? Men may do that, but not the same as accepting yourself for being who you are and loving yourself. |
For weeks, I was tempted to do something crazy,like getting him back. You may think I am really crazy, after all that he did to me. But when I see the look on the faces of my children when they are together, I wish I could freeze the moment so they can have both of us together, forever. See, I don't want to put false hopes in them, and also in mine, because it's never gonna happen anymore. And that is why, as much as possible, I don't want to have anything to do with him during these times.
One time after dropping us home from the hospital when my son was finally discharged, he stayed behind and went into the room where me and the kids were, and he laid down beside the kids. Being in the same room, all of us, together, gave me a feeling I can't explain that I thought about it for days.
And then I remembered his "wife". I thought what she would think if she knew he was with us in the same room together. Will she still be as understanding as he claimed her to be? On that same moment, I remembered his little baby. What would that little boy think when he knew that he has another brother and sister. Honestly, I should not care. Don't have to care. But then, I am not him.
I value how other people think because I do not want that done to me. Because I do not want to go back to what I once was and what I once did. And so as I continue my life's journey, I am taking on a new beginning (again!) as The Single Mom. I would focus more on my children, raise them with lesser or no help from their dad (because in fact, i have been doing it for a couple of years already)and face the future. I admit, I don't have much to give now but my love, my willpower and dreams for their future.
So with this, I have started another blog/website, which will be focused more on the single mom's life, problems, challenges and hopefully I would be able to share tips and get suggestions from other single moms like me. (Please allow me, maybe this is my way of coping and moving on.)
I invite you to please visit The Single Mom at www.thesinglemom.co I hope you'll support that blog as well.I am still keeping this blog though.
Still keeping the faith,
Mei
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